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Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

I feel the need to remind you all, that this thing actually exists: men calling women "sluts" because they didn't want to have sex with them.

Yes, I know it sounds weird, but it happens a lot and it's one of those very obvious cases of .

In my case the man, like so often, was not an asshole or even remotely violent but after staying at my place overnight and getting a delicious breakfast and not having sex, he told my now-husband what a slut I was.

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) bad joke about my slutty behavior, food 

But yes. We slept in one (1!!) narrow bed and cuddled and I even wore my very sexy PJs which consisted of ratty jogpants and 1990's finest colorblocked oversized shirts from my grandma. (Today it would be very fashionable but back then it was just an old shirt of my granny...)
And then I made French toast.

I really asked for it, I guess.

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@Emerenz it's totally unlogical! It's like… they want to harm your reputation but can't think of a good reason…

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@daniel_bohrer I guess it was a way of "protecting" my husband... I can't understand it but I was so shocked to learn, that it's kind of a very common thing to weaponize female sexuality against women.

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@Emerenz yes… sadly… I can only shake my head and be a good role model … 😕

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@daniel_bohrer which you are 😘🥰

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@Emerenz thank you! there were times where I wasn't… I have to made up for that

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@daniel_bohrer there are always those times... I was not on my best behaviour back then, too. But we can't do more than try and learn.

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@Emerenz I literally can’t imagine calling someone who made you breakfast (and presumably was nice enough to feel safe sleeping at their place) a slut.
Or anyone, to be honest…

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@T045T some things happen even if we cannot imagine them 😕 @Emerenz

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@daniel_bohrer @Emerenz you’re completely right - sorry, I wasn’t trying to imply they don’t (or expecting a cookie for saying what I did).
It’s important to talk about these things, precisely *because* they’re harder to imagine for some of us :)
(yay cishet male privilege, I guess…)

sex-positivity 

@T045T @Emerenz Just gonna let you know, that there are people - me included - that are reclaiming the word slut as a sex-positive word for someone, that is open about and enjoys sex.

So it is totally fine to call some people sluts. :)

sex-positivity 

@betalars @Emerenz 👍
I’d argue most things are fine with (informed, enthusiastic) consent :)

@T045T @Emerenz yes, but you technically just said you can't imagine calling anyone that, wich is kind of sad, because me calling myself that has actually been quite helpful.

@betalars I probably should have added “in anger” or “as an insult”. Of course, I don’t want to negate anyone’s identity, and will respect what people ask me to call them, be that in terms of descriptors like ‘slut’, name, pronouns, or things I might be forgetting.

Though I might make an exception to that if it’s someone clearly saying “I identify as an attack helicopter” to ridicule others’ real identities.

Female sexuality and empowerment 

@T045T I understood what you wanted to say, thank you 💝

@betalars thank you for pointing that out 🙏 I can vividly imaging how powerful that is to reclaim such slurs. I wasn't really concerned "what" he called me but that he felt the need to "warn" his friend about me - as if my sexuality was something that endangered someone I love. But yes, that's patriarchy, female sexuality is always dangerous - never mind which form it takes.

Female sexuality and relationsthips and food 

@Emerenz @T045T All good. He clearly acted in bad faith and I still have few words to express my thoughts on his actions ... politely.

Let's just continue the work of demolishing the patriarchy. Because female sexuality is actually incredible wholesome and empovering and now let me go to sleep with my female presenting ace partner, that I love to bits and will make a cute breakfest with tomorrow.

@betalars what a nice way to end this thread 😃💕
@T045T
Thank you and good night

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@Emerenz I hung out with my friends toddler today who got upset because she wanted to be *in* the tv with her fav tv characters and her logic still made more sense than that of your guest.

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@Gina literally I think that so often being around kids...

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@Emerenz Patriarchy. Because the assumption is sex is something owed, something transactional. Always power over rather than power with.

Casual sexism, sex (not happening) 

@lj that. I don't even care, what he called me but that me being his hostess for a night and talking openly got him to "warn" people about me. Because obviously it's dangerous if a woman chooses how her sex- and bedlife should be like.

@Emerenz wait but ... you ... huuuuh. That literally doesn't even slighly make any sence to call you that.

Normal people scare me.

@betalars yes. This. I don't get it. It's been years and there are no hard feelings but it just bugs me, that it doesn't make any sense. Not if you choose to see the slut culture as empowering (which is awesome BTW) and it also doesn'take any sense if one sees slut behavior as inherently bad.

@Emerenz see this is why I am so biased in my relationships ... it's not that I'm not pan ... it's just ... GUYS

@Emerenz There is a joke about this in my country, hopefully it wont get that much lost in translation.

Do you know how's called a woman fucking with everyone?
Slut.
And how do you call woman that is fucking everyone but you?
Fucking slut.
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